


The Timmy Text Flowchart

by CloakedSparrow



Series: Collected Bat-Family Stories [13]
Category: Bat Family (DCU), Batman (Comics), DCU (Comics), Robin (Comics)
Genre: Adopted Sibling Relationship, Bat Family, Comedy, Gen, No Dialogue, No Romance, No Sex, Wayne Enterprises
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-27
Updated: 2017-05-27
Packaged: 2018-11-05 12:18:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,109
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11013276
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CloakedSparrow/pseuds/CloakedSparrow
Summary: AKA Tim is naturally suspicious and terrible at flirting so his siblings devise a quick way to help him when he just doesn't understand why one of his co-workers is behaving 'oddly'.





	The Timmy Text Flowchart

As Tim started taking on more and more duties at Wayne Enterprise, it became somewhat common for a coworker to ask him to join them for lunch to talk business. Tim was usually fine with this; he got food and got work done so he considered it a two-birds-one-stone scenario. However, sometimes his co-workers behaved oddly during these work lunches. They wouldn’t seem that interested in talking about the work they were supposed to be discussing, instead opting to ask Tim personal questions or volunteer personal information unprompted.

Tim was immediately suspicious on these occasions (He was a Robin after all). Was this person a corporate spy? Did they hold a grudge against Bruce for some reason? Were they trying to get close to one of his siblings? Did they suspect that Bruce was Batman?

He would always react calmly, continuing to steer the discussion towards business, and casually send a text to one of his siblings, offering a polite apology for the interruption. 

The text would be to ask for a background check on the individual. Wayne Enterprises conducted thorough background checks of their employees, but the Batcomputer could always find more information.

Less than half of the time, the person actually was a corporate spy, or someone with a grudge against Bruce, Dick or Jason who thought they could subtly mine the youngest Wayne for information. A few times, the person was just very friendly and genuinely concerned that Tim was too young and worked too hard. They thought eating a good meal and sitting still for an hour without worrying about work would be good for him (Alfred pointed out that he was inclined to agree with these people).

There was one occasion where the person was trying to find out what had become of an artefact Tim’s biological father had in his possession before his death. The man had been with his father on when he procured it, where it was believed worthless, but the artefact had later turned out to be incredibly valuable.

Once the person seemed to be a stalker targeting the Wayne family; once the person was dating a reporter and trying to get inside information for her; and once a man appeared to be a sugar daddy in search of a sugar baby (why he thought Tim would fit that position, they never figured out).

Dick realized that six out of ten times this happened, the person was just flirting with Tim (usually with increasing obviousness) and, for all his genius and detective skills, Tim just saw it as suspicious behavior. In reaction to this, he made up an honest to goodness flowchart for him, Jason, and Cassandra to follow when they received these texts. They called it ‘The Timmy Text Chart’.

It stared with the usual questions. Age and gender of the person who asked him to lunch. How did they present the lunch suggestion? Was the person known to be in a committed relationship? How close was the person sitting to Tim? What position were they sitting in? Do they keep touching him? If so, where, how and how often? Are they smiling a lot? What type of smile? Are the personal questions geared toward the Wayne family, a specific member of the Wayne family, the Drake family, or Tim specifically?

In the event that the person is likely flirting, there is a second flowchart with follow up questions. Depending on the answers, responses can be to remind Tim that he is a kind, intelligent, successful, and good looking young man and that some people are just going to be attracted to him without ulterior motives. This can end with advice to let the person down firmly but gently or that no action is needed because either the person will realize he’s not interested and move on, or they’ll grow frustrated with his obliviousness and ask him out directly. Tim can handle it from there.

There are also code phrases for if the person is showing an unhealthy interest in Tim ( _Jason says hello_ ), the person is likely interested in him for an inappropriate reason ( _Jason wants you to call him_ ), the person is too old to be flirting with Tim ( _Don’t forget to call Aunt Harriet_ -oddly, Jason insisted this one be added) or when something just seems wrong in the scenario ( _Alfred wants you to pick up pizza for dinner tonight_ ). Once the information is received, Tim can handle it from there.

There have been a few occasions where whichever sibling Tim got a hold of felt the need to intervene, either by removing Tim from the ‘work lunch’ by calling with an excuse or physically showing up to ‘bump into’ their brother. The latter has led to some funny scenarios.

Cassandra joining Tim and his co-worker and glaring at the older WE employee the whole time (they never spoke to Tim outside of work again). Dick practically giving the shovel talk at the table (the WE employee quit the next day). Cassandra simply grabbing Tim’s arm as she walked by and pulling him along with her, pointing to the WE employee and saying ‘no’ as if they were a dog when they attempted to react. Dick picking Tim up for a ‘forgotten’ family event and making sure to use the term ‘baby brother’ thrice in front of the WE employee addition to calling Tim ‘Timmy’ and hugging him in a way that emphasized his petite frame. Dick was once too far away and actually sent Kon-El to join Tim and the WE employee; rumors about “Tim’s scary boyfriend” persisted among the WE employees despite Tim’s attempts to correct them (he eventually gave up).

One time Jason suddenly showed up in full Red Hood gear -in the middle of the day at a public restaurant- and pointed to Tim while telling the man sitting across from him to ‘stay the fuck away from the minor or I’ll shoot you in the knee’ before grabbing Tim by the collar and hauling him off. Tim had to hack several databases to prevent it from being treated as a kidnapping and called Lucius the next day to ask him to fire the man for violation of contract by way of lying on his initial job application. No arrest was made either way and no one knows what to make of the entire situation. It still bothers Bruce that he has no idea what that was about, but he doesn’t let it show (much). Dick, Cassandra, and Alfred are just glad for the show of brotherhood from Jason and Tim. They trust the two of them to handle whatever it was.


End file.
